Matters of Faith

I know this might shock you lot at home but some of the chaps down under seem to think I'm a religious person. While the notion of some people thinking that I still have an ounce of good in me instead of pure foul-mouthed scum is welcome I have to admit that I am surprised. Now I'm sure I won't be the first person to admit it (I know you assholes are just clamouring to say it too) but I am not a good person full-stop. I'm not saying I'm a bloody mass-murderer or drug peddler but I'm a far cry from being clean, having had my share of highly questionable adventures and endeavours. I mean everyone knows of how high-strung I am what with me spewing out vulgarities faster than a 6000 rpm Mini-Gun at the slightest thing that irks me. But there is one thing I always try to do no matter where I am, and that is attending mass every Sunday and for every day of obligation. Now I won't say I haven't missed a single one but I do make it a point to try my best. Now a lot of people wonder why I make so much effort seeing as it clashes with my abrasive personality. I can't really explain it to them as they're free-thinkers so religion to them is as foreign as politicians speaking the truth but I guess if I could ever be bothered to answer their queries it would be this. Since I've started living in Melbourne I've felt very much like a wanderer, not belonging in either place, every time I return so much changes making me feel like I'm stuck in the past, like I've never changed at all from three years ago. The only thing which remains a constant is the Church, the Cross and the Blessed Virgin. No matter where I go the Church is always there, always the same, a familiar sight, a most welcome sight. At least when all else fails, when I'm left all alone with no one to turn to the Church will still be there. I always feel at ease when I'm in Church, in fact I feel so relaxed and peaceful that I've got to try damn hard to not doze off. I won't say may faith is plenty and strong, but I'd like to think that it's constantly growing, maybe not by much, but bit by bit. Besides I always tell Sibu Ang Kau this, I've done a lot of wrong in this short life of mine, that's why I need to go to Church so much, to seek redemption, I'm not expecting much, I don't even know if he's listening, but the fact that I can make my peace with him, to ask for forgiveness is enough for me. Things change, people come and go, friends are made and lost, but at the end of the day at least the Church will always be there, even if I have nothing left.