Idle Musings: Link

I've always thought of my Grandparents and their home as a constant and a link to my past, when things were much simpler. As a place I could turn to to get away from the hectic pace of my life, a sanctuary. Having been brought up by them and staying at their house for a good 10 years before returning home I've always treated them with the utmost respect and care and I'm not ashamed to say that I treat them leagues better than my parents. I can still remember the times when my Grandfather thought me how to take the bus and MRT, how he brought me back from school if I fell ill during class or after extra lessons. How my Grandmother would cook lunch and would either get my Grandfather to bring it to my place after class or deliver it herself. How I would spend my Saturday mornings at their place (Yes that's the only time I would bother to wake up at 8am on a free day and walk all the way from Balestier to Toa Payoh just to have breakfast with them) having breakfast with them, how my Grandmother would always prepare coffee and snacks which my Grandfather bought for tea at 4pm, how there would always be food waiting for me whenever I turned up. But that's all in the past, my Grandmother has been bedridden and unable to speak due to a stroke four years ago and my Grandfather suddenly passed away last year due to a fall. I can still remember my Grandfather calling me at least once a month (well I tried to call back at least once a week in any case) while I was in Australia, to check up on me and make sure I was fine and how my aunt would scold him sometimes for calling me too many times. At the time of his passing I truly felt that the last link to my past had gone. I now go back to visit an empty and quiet home. Where once the sound of loud conversations in Cantonese and Malay can be heard all that's left is silence. I still visit regularly whenever I'm back home but it'll never be the same again, it's still warm though, that's one feeling that will never change. I'll always miss the conversations and time I spent with my Grandmother watching the latest dramas on show on television and my Grandfather recounting his experiences during the Japanese occupation. Well knowing that you can never go back to the past is progress in itself, it would however be nice if I could go back to those simpler times one more time.

Idle Musings: Thoughts

This marks the beginning of posts titled "Idle Musings" which are a summarised version of what's been on my mind recently. I'll try to make them as short as possible unlike the other full length posts. OK, lets begin shall we. I've realised that deep thinking is the best way for doubts and insecurities to ferment in your life. The more you think of a matter the more you feel that a better decision could have been made, that you've made the wrong one, that the other one would've been infinitely better. You start thinking things like "Why is this happening to me?" or like good ole' Charlie Brown's "When do the good things start?", all very much depressing thoughts to plague yourself with. I guess that's why I tend to drink a tad too much and indulge in smoking off and on as a way of ridding myself of such thoughts, albeit temporarily. Such thoughts usually haunt me, a life which has steadily been full of regrets. What else can you do when you don't have anyone to voice these problems to, I mean they sure as hell can't be posted to the blog, what with them being sensitive and possibly confrontational. How do you find a place to channel these thoughts or do you keep them under lock and key for eternity?

Until You're Over Me

Great song by Maroon 5, well most of their songs are nice in any case, although their subject content is all rather similar. And since I haven't got the time to post anything for awhile I thought I might as well put this up, don't want the site to start smelling like stale sardines the next time I decide to post some real content.

Until You're Over Me

And to all you folks sitting for the dreaded end of semester exams, I bid thee Good Night, and Good Luck.