CONnex you've done it again

Have you ever wondered why terrorists never bothered to attack the Melbourne train line, but took the effort to hit the London, Madrid and if some of you can remember the Indian ones? No it's not that they found the Kangaroo's, Koala's and Wallaby's cute but a rather more insidious and diabolical reason. It's because Connex itself is a terrorist organisation. That's right the truth is out, CONnex and Al Qaeda are in bed together. In fact I have reason to believe that the Al Qaeda terror network is so impressed by CONnex that they have sent over some operatives to train with them and maybe pick up a thing or two on how to torture civilians while not getting shot at. This is state sponsored terrorism at it's height, forget Iran and North Korea for the enemy is right at our doorstep. Terrorists did indeed plan to attack the Melbourne rail system but after scouting the place out they realised that by bombing CONnex trains they'd be striking a blow for justice instead of their own insidious ends. They'd be helping the pagan infidels they swore to annihilate. Instead they marvelled at how CONnex could get away with crimes against humanity by providing the most shit transportation service ever known to man and charging commuters an arm and a leg. That's right, the service which CONnex provides is so bad it's considered terrorism. In CONnex, Al Qaeda found an ally, a kindred spirit, a mentor of sorts. And there lay CONnex's true mission, to destroy the lives of normal hard-working people, to rob them of their hard earned money and most important of all their life's blood, time. Forget the lies of technical faults and a lack of competent staff for it was all calculated and intentional. First they steal your money through the exorbitant fares, then they waste your time by delaying all their trains and making them stop at random places for no reason and finally they destroy your social and working life by making you late for every appointment. Bad service? No. Terrorism? Undoubtedly. There were days when not only did you not get to your destination, but is instead brought somewhere else. Like the Jews who thought they were going for a shower but ended up a statistic and a chapter in the history books. And it almost happened to me today, and this is what happened. I woke up at 5:50am to get to my 8:30am class this morning. I arrived at Melbourne Central station on time and promptly took the 6:50am Lilydale train. As usual it stopped at Flinders Street station but today however something strange happened. Unknown to me CONnex had changed the destination of this train, it was now going to Glen Waverly instead with the train on the next platform going to Lilydale. The only hint of this was the strange warbling sound over the PA system which strangely sounded like some secret Nazi code. Besides there are always announcements due to the hideous service provided by CONnex where something is always screwing up and delaying passengers. The only warning I had that they changed the trains was when I saw the train passing by had the word Lilydale on the LED sign at the back. You can already imagine the torrent of obscenities and hellish rage about to be unleashed by my being. I promptly went to ask the nearest CONnex staff what was going on and predictably enough he told me he had no idea and promptly went back to having verbal sex with his gay partner next to him. I sure as hell wasn't going to take this lying down so I went over to the service counter and unleashed hell on the two unfortunates there for the half hour needed to wait for the next train. I can safely say that CONnex is the most fucked up rail system in the world, it's so bad that it should be considered terrorism and crimes against humanity. We should get Jack Bauer here to kill and torture the lot of the fuckers for all the torment they put us commuters through. Actually after careful consideration I think CONnex are more than petty terrorists, instead they're a remnant of the Nazi party, waiting for the time when they can catch the civilised world off guard and strike back with a vengeance. I have a sneaking suspicion that their ruler is also a strange man with a disturbing mustache and one testicle, like his infamous predecessor..