This is War. The Feud. Vulgar no more.

A series of 3 shorts about what happened during the passing week.

"This Is War"

This was my reply to lil' john's cries of bully and cheat when i gave them no quarter in Dawn of War: Dark Crusade last week. Now i will humbly state that though i might have played the game since it's first release in 2004 (for ye oldies who still remember the original Dawn of War) i am still very much a novice at it. I will readily state that there are many amongst my friends back in Singapore who could very easily hand my ass to me in under 5 minutes. Tim for example has done it before. I do however know that the key to mastering the game is speed, the most decisive factor in every game but even more so in this one. You do not play DoW like other strategy games where you can amass a huge army and slowly slug it out with the other opponent. In DoW you need to strike fast, and strike hard. In fact no game should last more than 15 minutes and i normally attack within 5. Now the way lil' john likes to play games is to slowly build up a huge force and try to slug it out with the enemy in a war of attrition. This is absolutely the wrong way to play DoW and in fact any other strategy game. You do not need huge armies and massive armada's to defeat the enemy, a small elite troop specifically applied to critical targets will just as well win you the game, which is how i usually play. With 3 squads of marines i swept through Roy's base and John's base in under 10 minutes. They were ill prepared with little or no troops to oppose me. John then promptly went on to start his usual whining about cheating, bully, gang bang, etc, etc. And if i remember correctly he was the one who shot his mouth off at how good he is and wanting to challenge me. Fool, i may not play the game very often, but in terms of experience I've got loads more than that upstart who didn't even finish the campaign, the ultimate test of skill where the rush is always the key to success. And i completed it in hard mode. And from what James has told me he does not count that defeat and wants a re-match. Fine with me, I'll crush him slowly this time, just the way he likes it.

The Feud

This is something which has been festering for some time already, a cancerous cell within a body of friends. Now we all know that Roaldy can make quite a jack-ass out of himself sometimes, OK most of the time (ah ha ha ha) but it seems that his overbearing personality is starting to rankle another of the equally stubborn sort, Brendan Tong (aka sibu ang kau). Although I'm not exactly certain of what has happened (i don't live in the city and as such am not around 50% of the time besides I'm more of a stand-in for NYH who is busy wasting his life serving the country, which i will also have to do soon, out of sheer patriotism and because the government is holding $75,000 of mine hostage) it seems that Brendan's patience with Roaldy is fast wearing thin. There was the Camry case, the Dinner case(s), the Foosball case and most recently the Birthday case (actually Brendan was rather pissed off with everyone there). I will only comment on the Foosball case as that was the only one where i was present. Roaldy magically came up with this "no-hacking" rule which meant that the players in the mid-field cannot score goals. His theory was that mid-fielders should pass the ball to the strikers as the strikers are supposed to score the goals. Another argument was that if you score from the mid-field it is purely through luck and chance as you never expected to score from there in the first place. I am of course a reasonably fair person under the depths of the ever constant torrent of vulgarities which i spew out and will forgive him for making one of the most retarded comments which i have ever heard as he is quite foreign to the real game of soccer. Number one, any player can score a goal in soccer, as long as the ball is in the net it's a goal (unless of course a foul was committed or it was offside) . In fact goal-scoring is typically a shared duty between mid-fielders and strikers. The great Peter Schmeichel, a former Manchester United (probably the best ever) goalkeeper, has also scored a few goals in his career. I myself as a goalkeeper and defender have scored that all too miraculous goal once in a blue moon. Secondly, no goals are ever scored by accident (except of course own goals), everyone who takes a shot at goal no matter how outrageous a shot it is intends on scoring. He keeps insisting that i learn to pass to the strikers in order to score as i have a knack for scoring from midfield which obviously pisses him off. All in all i feel that everyone is welcome to have their own opinions about things but they should never try to impose it on others. Roaldy of course has a slight tendency to try and impose his views on others and likes things done his way, feeling that it is "the best" and "proper" way of doing things (a good trait to have if you're a lawyer, but as a person you're asking to get whacked). But it's not like Brendan is any saint himself. In a way you can say that both of them have similar traits, although at varying intensities of course (like magnets, similar people tend to repel each other i guess). I will abruptly conclude this unsightly matter by saying that everyone should try to be accommodating with each other, within a reasonable extent of course. Nothing will be gained through feuding, simple dialogue will more often than not solve such problems fast enough and not leave a sour taste in the mouth.

Vulgar no more

This is of course the story of me trying to get rid of my bad habit of spewing out vulgarities as soon as i open my mouth. Now Brendan, Xander and the kids find this rather strange and feel that something is amiss (with those two coming up with rather strange conspiracy theories). I would just like to clarify that i am not doing this to appease anyone and I'm just trying to find out what effect not saying vulgarities would have on my day. As we can see from my performance last week quite well in fact. I whooped the lot of them at Foosball, blitz through DoW (although the competition was rather lacking) and won the Initial D challenge. I have come up with the theory that by me releasing my daily torrent of vulgarities i am scaring away all my luck and good fortune, not to mention what that amount of shouting does to my throat and concentration. As such the vulgarities will be toned down permanently. So for those who rely on my daily rantings for amusement you'll have to find it somewhere else you sad bunch of.....Besides i have a funny feeling that the vulgarities are contributing to my current and prolonged singlehood.....